Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Chapter 1. READING

I’ve not blogged in sometime now. Sorry, I’ve been ….er…busy.

That’s not entirely true actually. My kids are both out of the house and work is rather slow, I don’t even have any classes going on right now. Life is pretty slow during the summer. Alright, alright. I’m reading the Twilight books. There, I’ve said it—and I don’t care if you judge me.

I’ve avoided reading these books, namely because my daughter absolutely loved and gushed over them. How interesting could teen drama be to me--30something yr old mom who spends most of my time in church. Not interested in boys or vampires.
Besides, I rarely read any fiction books anymore trading them in for mostly spiritual growth books and interesting biographies of Christians as well.

But as I headed out to sunbathe one afternoon (don’t judge me for that either! I know it’s bad for your skin, …but I am REALLY white and I needed a good dose of vitamin D) I went ahead and grabbed a lended copy of the first Twi Book. I figured it would be good to read it so I would really know what my daughter is also reading. This way I could counter any immoral elements in the book.

And I kept reading with vague interest, until about halfway through the book when I became really engrossed in the characters (namely ONE in particular). And when I finished with the first one, I couldn’t even wait through the weekend to pick up the next copy, and so I made a mid-nite run to Walmart to grab the second book. I’m now nearly finished with it as well, releshing every opportunity to read a few more pages…while walking to the car, while standing in the elevator, on my lunch break, before bed, any chance I can get.

And so because I'm so engrossed...
Here's a chapter of my own life, written in the style of Twilight)

Chapter 1.READING
Yesterday was one of those days…..On my way home, I got a flat tire about 14 blocks from my house. I flagged down a passer-by to call Josh but I knew he was out mowing the yard and wouldn’t hear the phone ring. After leaving a voicemail for him, I grabbed my purse and my book from the Aztek and locked the doors, actually relishing the new-found opportunity to walk home in my work shoes in 100 degree heat--uninteruppted and reading my book.

When I got home, I explained to Josh what happened. Confused by how un-annoyed I was to walk home…he looked at my face and then cut his eyes toward the book under my arm. His eyebrows pulled together and looked back at me with a “whatever” look on his face. I swear, he probably thought I flattened my tire on purpose. I giddily ran up the stairs two-by-two and pulled off my now slightly damp work clothes looking for some shorts and a TShirt to wear. I was humming a song from the Twilight soundtrack thinking how glad I was that the tire had not gone flat just 10 minutes earlier, while I was at the Walmart purchasing my newest CD. I wasn’t exactly hiding the fact that I liked to read Twilight…but I was rather embarrassed to admit that I’d even thought about purchasing other paraphenalia….I mean, I am a grown up and by definition should not be such a sucker for fan-junk.
What was next, posters of Rob Pattinson, T-Shirts that said "Cullen Baseball Club"?

Josh strolled through the door of our room just as I finished putting on a pair of cutoff sweat shorts. He had in his hand a black instrument case, and he casually laid it on the bed. I knew exactly what it was. I’d been wanting to take violin lessons again, and found a great deal online for one. He’d slyly told me earlier in the day that he couldn’t get in touch with the gentlemen selling the great violin any more and I’d been really disappointed. But now I jumped up and hugged his neck, sweaty and covered in lawn clippings and sighed “awww…you DID get it for me. Yay!” He looked pretty proud of himself, and I told him he earned major bonus points for surprising me.

“Come on” he said, as I stroked the aqua colored crushed velvet interior of the violin case.
“Where to?”
“To change your tire”
“Do I have to do anything? Or can I just, um, watch”
“You can sit in the truck and read your book, if that’s what your getting at”
“Thanks honey. More bonus points to you”
“And where can I spend these bonus points?”

We chugged down the stairs one after another, and I snagged the book on the way out the door behind him. Josh hopped up into his blazer, the machine I called “The Eyesore”. It was hard to tell from looking at the monstrosity if it had been orange and painted with grey primer, or primer gray and painted with orange. Either way, it was darn ugly. I scoffed when he shut the door behind him leaving me out on the oil-stained driveway, barefoot. I’d expected to jump in right behind him.

“You lost bonus points on that one” I said, hefting myself into the truck amidst the piles of tools and empty soda bottles laying all over the passenger seat. He lit a cigarette and said “What? You suddenly can’t get in by yourself?”
We took off toward my car, I pointed left turns and a right, and there it was, sitting just as I’d left it just an hour earlier.
Josh parked The Eyesore by the curb and jumped out, making his way toward my car, turning a lug wrench ‘round his hand as he walked. I chuckled at the lady giving him a long, hard suspicious gaze as she pulled her car toward her driveway in the back. Evidently this was her house my car had stopped in front of…and Josh with his sweaty appearance and lug-wrench twirling, was giving her cause for concern.

But halfway to my car he yelled back at me “Hey…it’s locked. Throw me your keys!”


I ran my fingers over the cover of the book in my hands, and grinned impishly.
“um….I forgot them”.
He wasn’t pleased with my response and he marched back to the car, and we headed back to the house.

As we stopped near the curb in front of our house, I hopped out and waited for Josh to turn the truck off so he could pitch me his keys. I thought I’d better hurry, he looked wary waiting on me.

I fumbled through the key ring and finding the house key, inserted it and gave it a turn in the lock. But it didn’t budge. Hmmmm, maybe that wasn’t the right key. But there were no other "house-key looking" keys left.

“hey, the key doesn’t work” I yelled out to him.
“Yes it does, try it again”

More failed attempts.

“Josh…it doesn’t work.”
“Then you have the wrong key” What a genius I’ve married, I thought.

After several more obvious and theatrical tries, I could hear Josh give an emphatic huff and yank the garage door opener off the visor and march toward me.

“Let me see that" he grabbed the key ring dangling from my finger that I was holding straight up in the air over my head.


We walked around the back together, and after raising the garage door he returned around the side of the house back to the truck, leaving me to walk into the house and grab my keys.

Upon finding them, I shoved them in my pocket, while still clutching my copy of the book. I couldn't risk leaving it unguarded in the truck, Josh had already hidden my book once-annoyed with my constant new hobby. It wasn't unlikely that he'd accidentally drop it down the storm drain or throw it at a stray dog just to be rid of it.

I walked through the front door and shut it behind me, pausing briefly before exploding into laughter.

“Um….I probably shouldn’t tell you, but the front door wasn’t even locked” I said between grins and giggles.

"Wow, you are a special brand of special, aren't you."


So, yeah, that’s really what happened to me yesterday. The funnier part is that we had to drive home again, because when we got the spare tire put on, he noticed it was low in air and he needed his compressor to pump it back up. But all the while I got to sit in the truck and read even more.
When I get through with the series, I’ll post a review….from a Christian mom perspective.
A Christian mom, sucked into the madness of Twilight. Sigh.
I really should know better.


Melisa said...

I am seriously laughing so hard! You are hilarious. Only you could make changing a tire so funny. You guys are such a cute couple!

(Oh, and I love my "This Bella married her Edward" shirt. Ya know, in case you cave on the t-shirt thing. lol) :o)

Victoria :) said...

Hey, don't be knockin' the Cullen Baseball shirts!! I LOVE mine. In fact, going to wear it tomorrow when I get home- just for you. :o)

Love the story by the way! Any good reason to read the Twilight books! I KNEW you would love them! See, told ya so!

Shannon said...

Oh are my second Christian friend to fall into the Twilight trap...apparently it must be pretty good...