First, I grabbed the two flashlights from Jyllian’s room.
If this bird wants to put on a show, let’s see how he likes singing with a spotlight on him. I chuckle sinisterly to myself.
That should scare him away, right? I pad back to my room across the hallway floor, trying carefully not to wake the entire house in case others are able to sleep through the ear piercing shrills. Quietly I tug open the blinds and stand with my feet shoulder-width apart, a flashlight in both hands aimed into the night through my wide open window. I’m now also very aware that I’m standing in just a tank-top and underwear. I hope no one sees me like this. I click-ON the flashlights and point them toward the sounds.
“Ha-HA! TAKE THAT BIRDIE!!”
Not only do I not even SEE the bird. But the bird doesn’t even give a pause to what I’m doing. And… well… the flashlight batteries were almost dead. So the effect was less like the powerful ”Hotel opening for the first time, spotlights blazing” than I imagined.
They were more like…..um, dead battery flashlights, dimly lighting the way to the toilet at a campsite.
Kind of lights.
Not real scary to a singing bird at night.
Or anyone, for that matter.
My second remedy was to go outside and see if I can throw something at the bird. It’s warm, at least, outside and thank goodness it’s Sunday morning, because I’m not sure I could go to work with this much lack of sleep. How could I call in “sick” over this?
“Hi Mark…” cough, cough. “Yeah, it’s Kasey- look I don’t think I’m going to come in today. I gotta catch up on some sleep I lost over a bird. A bird! No… A BIRD!! Forget it, I’ll be there in a while.”
So out in the yard, armed with my weakly-lit flashlight, I pick up one of Chippy’s tennis balls and hurl it into the massive evergreen tree towering in the darkness.
BONK!– I hear, and like magic a bird goes flying out of it!
Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I hit that @#$in bird on the first shot! I am totally “The Bird Slayer”. I begin to turn around, but my excitement is short-lived as I hear it sing even louder as if now actually LAUGHING at my feeble attempt. It picks up fervor in his song, and I swear louder than it was before. I pick up another few balls and assault the tree blindly (my flashlight has gone out), only with no effect. It seems I am just chasing the bird around inside the tree at best, but he never misses a beat and carries on singing with perfect time. I give up and return inside, now contemplating if I should blog since I’m up.
If you google “Bird that Sings at Night”, the phrase will actually pre-populate before you get to the word “at”. Apparently this is a problem for a lot of people. The websites I came across identified the bird as a Mockingbird, male, and singing because he is trying to attract a mate.
Great….I bet that first bird that I chased away, was this guy’s only chance at love.
Since I can still hear him singing….at now 5:10 AM.