Sunday, March 7, 2010

To Kill A Mockingbird...

I’ve never seen this movie classic, but if it truly is ABOUT how to kill one I might be checking it out soon. You might make note, that I am up today at 4:30 AM, (if I have set the time accurately for this blog) and all because a bachelor bird is singing outside my window. That’s what Wikipedia says, anyway. For the last couple of nights, Josh and I have gone to bed, and heard a song bird singing outside our window. “That’s weird” I said the first night. The second night, we just laugh when we hear it, but neither night did we hear it more than once or twice. Tonight, the silly thing has sung until I was forced to get up in search of ways to silence the crazy bird.

First, I grabbed the two flashlights from Jyllian’s room.
If this bird wants to put on a show, let’s see how he likes singing with a spotlight on him. I chuckle sinisterly to myself.
That should scare him away, right? I pad back to my room across the hallway floor, trying carefully not to wake the entire house in case others are able to sleep through the ear piercing shrills. Quietly I tug open the blinds and stand with my feet shoulder-width apart, a flashlight in both hands aimed into the night through my wide open window. I’m now also very aware that I’m standing in just a tank-top and underwear. I hope no one sees me like this. I click-ON the flashlights and point them toward the sounds.



Not only do I not even SEE the bird. But the bird doesn’t even give a pause to what I’m doing. And… well… the flashlight batteries were almost dead. So the effect was less like the powerful ”Hotel opening for the first time, spotlights blazing” than I imagined.
They were more like…, dead battery flashlights, dimly lighting the way to the toilet at a campsite.
Kind of lights.
Not real scary to a singing bird at night.
Or anyone, for that matter.

My second remedy was to go outside and see if I can throw something at the bird. It’s warm, at least, outside and thank goodness it’s Sunday morning, because I’m not sure I could go to work with this much lack of sleep. How could I call in “sick” over this?

“Hi Mark…” cough, cough. “Yeah, it’s Kasey- look I don’t think I’m going to come in today. I gotta catch up on some sleep I lost over a bird. A bird! No… A BIRD!! Forget it, I’ll be there in a while.”

So out in the yard, armed with my weakly-lit flashlight, I pick up one of Chippy’s tennis balls and hurl it into the massive evergreen tree towering in the darkness.

BONK!– I hear, and like magic a bird goes flying out of it!

Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I hit that @#$in bird on the first shot! I am totally “The Bird Slayer”. I begin to turn around, but my excitement is short-lived as I hear it sing even louder as if now actually LAUGHING at my feeble attempt. It picks up fervor in his song, and I swear louder than it was before. I pick up another few balls and assault the tree blindly (my flashlight has gone out), only with no effect. It seems I am just chasing the bird around inside the tree at best, but he never misses a beat and carries on singing with perfect time. I give up and return inside, now contemplating if I should blog since I’m up.

If you google “Bird that Sings at Night”, the phrase will actually pre-populate before you get to the word “at”. Apparently this is a problem for a lot of people. The websites I came across identified the bird as a Mockingbird, male, and singing because he is trying to attract a mate.

Great….I bet that first bird that I chased away, was this guy’s only chance at love.
Since I can still hear him singing….at now 5:10 AM.

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